On Sun, 12 Nov 2006 12:58:13 -0000, "Fred"
wrote:
|
|"Howie" wrote in message
.. .

| Hi all. I really hope you can help me.
|
| My ex wife and I live 250 miles from each other and she has
| custody of our 11-year-old child. I have always had him staying
| with me during school holidays and the arrangement is reasonably
| amicable. We are divorced now and there was no battle about
| custody as the above arrangements were written into the divorce
| and agreed by both of us.
|
| For the last year or so, my ex has been promising/intending to
| move to the area where I live in order that our son can start a
| secondary school in a better schooling area, live in a nicer part
| of the world, and spend more time with us both equally.
|
| He recently sat his 11-plus exam in his local area. But my
| ex-wife did not help him prepare for it and was in a local show
| which meant she was taking him out and keeping him up until 11
| o'clock most evenings during the run-up to the 11-plus. This
| didn't seem to matter very much as she was intending to move away
| anyway to be nearer me. However, she has just told me that 1) he
| failed the exam _and_ that 2) she has decided not to move to my
| area after all.
|
| All this means that he will now be attending an awful secondary
| school in manchester (it has been on government special measures
| for over a year), instead of moving to Devon and being schooled
| here.
|
| I still have an opportunity for him to sit an 11-plus here and go
| to the local Grammar School. And even if he fails, the local
| comprehensive alternative is much better school.
|
| So, my question is: Will I stand any chance if I apply for
| custody?
| My new partner already has two teenage sons, whom my son treats
| as brothers and whom I have helped bring-up for the last 8 years.
| This is a stable, family environment.
| My Ex-wife lives in her own house, and her boyfriend of 3 years
| stays over a few nights each week.
|
| I have recently done some 11-plus tests with my son (which is
| what his mother also should have done a long time ago), and I
| know he is of Grammar School standard. His mother allowed him to
| go into his local 11-plus totally unprepared. He didn't even know
| the format of the exams - for example. Even the schools
| themselves say that new entrants should practice with a few old
| exam papers.
| I can't stand the idea of him attending a school renowned for
| bullying and drug-dealing, - with useless exam results. He is
| guaranteed a better education if he lives with me.
|
| Thank you (hopefully) in advance.
|
|
|1 What's your son's opinion of where he lives?

He likes both places.

|Is he a mature 11 year old?

Yes.

|Will he be 12 very soon? A 12 year old is meant to have quite a big
|say in where he lives. Be careful children will typically say one thing to
|one parent and something else to the other and you must assume he says
|something similar to his Mother.

No. He's only just 11. Would I be better waiting until he is 12?
He would just be into his first term at his secondary school.

He was very happy when his mother announced she would be moving
back to where I live. (We got married here and he was born here,
- by the way).

|2 Why don't you move to Manchester? It depends on what's important, your
|partner or your son.

My partner has two older children and I have lived here for 17
years now. My son loves coming here for all his school holidays.
He loves spending time with his 'brothers' and he likes the area
anyway. (He is a real "outdoor" kid).
Me moving to Manchester would not solve this problem. He would
still end up in this crappy school.

|3 Residency is a relatively simple thing to apply for with the court
|asking for a report on each family situations and your son's opinions, how
|often he will see his relatives on both sides of the family. Generally you
|shouldn't really need legal representation because Judges tend to go with
|advice given in the report. However, whilst on the surface you may little
|to lose, in the intervening 6 or so months it takes for the reports and
|hearing to take place you relationship with your ex may be a little
|unpleasant.

I believe that she has acted abysmally here. Our son is grammar
school material. If he wasn't, I wouldn't mind so much. She left
him so badly prepared and so tired when he took his 11-plus that
he was at a real disadvantage. And all the time she was telling
both of us that she was moving here anyway. He is booked-in to do
his 11-plus exam here in 2 weeks.
What else can I do?

"Howie" wrote in message
...

I believe that she has acted abysmally here. Our son is grammar
school material. If he wasn't, I wouldn't mind so much. She left
him so badly prepared and so tired when he took his 11-plus that
he was at a real disadvantage. And all the time she was telling
both of us that she was moving here anyway. He is booked-in to do
his 11-plus exam here in 2 weeks.
What else can I do?


Bit late now, but has he had any coaching this time round?

I would wait until he has sat the exam and you have an idea of how well he
has done. Clearly, your argument would be improved if he passes the test in
Devon. Maybe, you could even persuade his mum to move to Devon in that case.

Presumably, she has to earn a living. Would that be harder for her in Devon?

On Mon, 13 Nov 2006 21:25:05 +0000, "GB"
wrote:
|
|"Howie" wrote in message
.. .
|
| I believe that she has acted abysmally here. Our son is grammar
| school material. If he wasn't, I wouldn't mind so much. She left
| him so badly prepared and so tired when he took his 11-plus that
| he was at a real disadvantage. And all the time she was telling
| both of us that she was moving here anyway. He is booked-in to do
| his 11-plus exam here in 2 weeks.
| What else can I do?
|
|
|Bit late now, but has he had any coaching this time round?

Yes. I've given him some. And we have some more papers to do for
familiarisation before the tests themselves.

|I would wait until he has sat the exam and you have an idea of how well he
|has done. Clearly, your argument would be improved if he passes the test in
|Devon.

Yes, I get that feeling. Perhaps even in a custody application, -
as a last resort?

|Maybe, you could even persuade his mum to move to Devon in that case.

I'm certainly going to have a damn good try.

|Presumably, she has to earn a living. Would that be harder for her in Devon?

She is less likely to earn as good a living here. But I have
already agreed to give her the money I will save on transport
costs each year. That works out at approx £1500 PA (tax-free of
course). And then there's the child-care cost-saving..