A family I know appear to be being very much let down by social services.

The family, a mother and two sons, all have learning difficulties. The older
son has just turned 19, the younger will be 15 in September.

I think the older child has a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy and though having
no obvious mobility problems clearly has behavioural problems.

The behaviour is so bad that he has wrecked the family home, having smashed
most of furniture and doors, and annihilated the bathroom/loo door such that
there is no privacy. He also hits and bullies his younger brother and
mother.

On one occasion his mother rang and asked if I could take the older boy to a
bowling session as the arranged driver wasn't able to. I arrived to find he
was in his bedroom, alternately threatening to jump out of the window and
kicking whatever he could. His mother asked if I could try talking to him.
As I made my way up the stairs he threw a cereal bowl at me with such force
it lodged in the electric cupboard door behind me. He then rushed down the
stairs and tried to rip the electric consumer unit inside the cupboard off
the wall. At that point I feared for his safety and mine so I pulled him
away from the unit turning him into the hallway. I stood between him and the
kitchen where I knew there were knives and other items he could use as
weapons. He then started to attack me with his fists which I prevented by
holding his wrists and used my legs to parry his kicking. Eventually he ran
outside into the arms of the local police who had been called by his mother.

One of the police officers who knew the family eventually calmed him down
enough for me to take him to and from the bowling session, at which he
behaved well.

This altercation was caused simply because the person he had expected to
take him bowling wasn't able to.

From my observations, understanding of the family and this lad together with
my own knowledge of autism - I would say that this boy shows clear signs of
being autistic and his behaviour, for the most part, is beyond his control.
Unfortunately his mother does not have the parenting skills that might
otherwise help him.

I wrote a full letter of explanation of the evenings events and sent copies
to both his school and his social service worker. I made it clear that he
was abusing his family to such an extent that his mother and brother lived
in fear of their lives and also what circumstances the family were living
in.

Eventually, social services said they would try and find a school with
supported accommodation as well as having the home repaired. The housing
association said they would repair the place when the boy moves out as any
work they do now would only be ruined if he stayed.

Now, nearly eight months later, apart from providing a place at a day
college - nothing more has changed. The boy has not been found accommodation
and the house remains wrecked. This in turn has implications for the
'freshness' of them as no one wants to bath!

Moreover, the family have been threatened with eviction because of the boys
behaviour - yet there is nothing they can do.

I am very concerned that this unfortunate family, who are in desperate need
of help, are being side-lined by social services because of the cost
implications and because they do not have the ability to help themselves in
fighting for the things they need.

I am concerned that because he does not have a proper diagnosis and thus
access to the help he needs the boy will eventually end up in the prison
system for something that he has no control over.

Any idea of what might be done to help?

Many thanks,

H.

"H" wrote in message
...
A family I know appear to be being very much let down by social services.

The family, a mother and two sons, all have learning difficulties. The
older
son has just turned 19, the younger will be 15 in September.

I think the older child has a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy and though
having
no obvious mobility problems clearly has behavioural problems.

Who made a diagnosis? I doesn't sound like classical CP at all, but more
like Autism.

I was told by his mother that he had been diagnosed with C.P. but she is not
to be relied on.

His language skills are better than average but he is so obsessive about
having a mobile phone and his bicycle that he bullies his mother into buying
phones (which he smashes in fits of temper) and top-up cards.

We discovered just what a hold he has over his mother when we took his
younger brother shopping and bought him a pair of shoes as the only pair of
trainers he had were in tatters. Having purchased them we passed a phone
shop only to see his mother signing up for a new phone to replaces one
bought only a week earlier which he had broken!

He's a big lad of nearly 6 feet and she barely 5. She does try to stand up
to him but she clearly doesn't have the physical strength nor, more
importantly, the mental toughness or 'smarts' to handle him.

The compulsive-obsessive aspect of his behaviour I think is more indicative
of an Autistic Spectrum Disorder and any teaching or behaviour management
needs to focus on his ASD.

I think the S.S. attitude is that it is better to keep the family together,
and normally I would agree. However, I think this case needs authoritative
intervention to sort the family out as mum simply does not have, and never
will have, sufficient parenting skills. She cannot read, write or count -
and because of a hearing impairment, has poor language skills. I think there
is a genetic problem with the hearing in the family as both children and mum
display auditory processing problems when hearing and repeating new words.

And, as if this is not a sad enough story, her husband committed suicide by
hanging himself in the family home. The older boy (then aged about 8) found
him! What effect that traumatic event may have had on the lad is impossible
for me to say, though I'm in no doubt it was highly damaging and I know is
still keenly felt.

H.


"mert1639" wrote in message
...

"H" wrote in message
...
A family I know appear to be being very much let down by social services.

The family, a mother and two sons, all have learning difficulties. The
older
son has just turned 19, the younger will be 15 in September.

I think the older child has a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy and though
having
no obvious mobility problems clearly has behavioural problems.

Who made a diagnosis? I doesn't sound like classical CP at all, but more
like Autism.

I'm still hopeful someone on this NG will look kindly on this plea for help.
Regards,
H.

"H" wrote in message
...
A family I know appear to be being very much let down by social services.

The family, a mother and two sons, all have learning difficulties. The
older
son has just turned 19, the younger will be 15 in September.

I think the older child has a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy and though
having
no obvious mobility problems clearly has behavioural problems.

The behaviour is so bad that he has wrecked the family home, having
smashed
most of furniture and doors, and annihilated the bathroom/loo door such
that
there is no privacy. He also hits and bullies his younger brother and
mother.

On one occasion his mother rang and asked if I could take the older boy to
a
bowling session as the arranged driver wasn't able to. I arrived to find
he
was in his bedroom, alternately threatening to jump out of the window and
kicking whatever he could. His mother asked if I could try talking to him.
As I made my way up the stairs he threw a cereal bowl at me with such
force
it lodged in the electric cupboard door behind me. He then rushed down the
stairs and tried to rip the electric consumer unit inside the cupboard off
the wall. At that point I feared for his safety and mine so I pulled him
away from the unit turning him into the hallway. I stood between him and
the
kitchen where I knew there were knives and other items he could use as
weapons. He then started to attack me with his fists which I prevented by
holding his wrists and used my legs to parry his kicking. Eventually he
ran
outside into the arms of the local police who had been called by his
mother.

One of the police officers who knew the family eventually calmed him down
enough for me to take him to and from the bowling session, at which he
behaved well.

This altercation was caused simply because the person he had expected to
take him bowling wasn't able to.

From my observations, understanding of the family and this lad together
with
my own knowledge of autism - I would say that this boy shows clear signs
of
being autistic and his behaviour, for the most part, is beyond his
control.
Unfortunately his mother does not have the parenting skills that might
otherwise help him.

I wrote a full letter of explanation of the evenings events and sent
copies
to both his school and his social service worker. I made it clear that he
was abusing his family to such an extent that his mother and brother lived
in fear of their lives and also what circumstances the family were living
in.

Eventually, social services said they would try and find a school with
supported accommodation as well as having the home repaired. The housing
association said they would repair the place when the boy moves out as any
work they do now would only be ruined if he stayed.

Now, nearly eight months later, apart from providing a place at a day
college - nothing more has changed. The boy has not been found
accommodation
and the house remains wrecked. This in turn has implications for the
'freshness' of them as no one wants to bath!

Moreover, the family have been threatened with eviction because of the
boys
behaviour - yet there is nothing they can do.

I am very concerned that this unfortunate family, who are in desperate
need
of help, are being side-lined by social services because of the cost
implications and because they do not have the ability to help themselves
in
fighting for the things they need.

I am concerned that because he does not have a proper diagnosis and thus
access to the help he needs the boy will eventually end up in the prison
system for something that he has no control over.

Any idea of what might be done to help?

Many thanks,

H.

H wrote:
A family I know appear to be being very much let down by social
services.

The family, a mother and two sons, all have learning difficulties.
The older son has just turned 19, the younger will be 15 in September.

I think the older child has a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy and though
having no obvious mobility problems clearly has behavioural problems.

The behaviour is so bad that he has wrecked the family home, having
smashed most of furniture and doors, and annihilated the bathroom/loo
door such that there is no privacy. He also hits and bullies his
younger brother and mother.

On one occasion his mother rang and asked if I could take the older
boy to a bowling session as the arranged driver wasn't able to. I
arrived to find he was in his bedroom, alternately threatening to
jump out of the window and kicking whatever he could. His mother
asked if I could try talking to him. As I made my way up the stairs
he threw a cereal bowl at me with such force it lodged in the
electric cupboard door behind me. He then rushed down the stairs and
tried to rip the electric consumer unit inside the cupboard off the
wall. At that point I feared for his safety and mine so I pulled him
away from the unit turning him into the hallway. I stood between him
and the kitchen where I knew there were knives and other items he
could use as weapons. He then started to attack me with his fists
which I prevented by holding his wrists and used my legs to parry his
kicking. Eventually he ran outside into the arms of the local police
who had been called by his mother.

One of the police officers who knew the family eventually calmed him
down enough for me to take him to and from the bowling session, at
which he behaved well.

This altercation was caused simply because the person he had expected
to take him bowling wasn't able to.

From my observations, understanding of the family and this lad
together with my own knowledge of autism - I would say that this boy
shows clear signs of being autistic and his behaviour, for the most
part, is beyond his control. Unfortunately his mother does not have
the parenting skills that might otherwise help him.

I wrote a full letter of explanation of the evenings events and sent
copies to both his school and his social service worker. I made it
clear that he was abusing his family to such an extent that his
mother and brother lived in fear of their lives and also what
circumstances the family were living in.

Eventually, social services said they would try and find a school with
supported accommodation as well as having the home repaired. The
housing association said they would repair the place when the boy
moves out as any work they do now would only be ruined if he stayed.

Now, nearly eight months later, apart from providing a place at a day
college - nothing more has changed. The boy has not been found
accommodation and the house remains wrecked. This in turn has
implications for the 'freshness' of them as no one wants to bath!

Moreover, the family have been threatened with eviction because of
the boys behaviour - yet there is nothing they can do.

I am very concerned that this unfortunate family, who are in
desperate need of help, are being side-lined by social services
because of the cost implications and because they do not have the
ability to help themselves in fighting for the things they need.

I am concerned that because he does not have a proper diagnosis and
thus access to the help he needs the boy will eventually end up in
the prison system for something that he has no control over.

Any idea of what might be done to help?

Many thanks,

Seems unlikely to me that Social Services will be able to assess Autism - he
needs to be seen by his GP and referred for medical evaluation. It may be
of course that he's just a selfish, wilful and aggressive young man, who
needs to be invited to find his own home if the mother's rules are not to
his satisfaction.

Thanks, but you can be sure I would not be bothering this group if I thought
this lads behavioural
problems were of his own making. I have enough experience to recognise
autistic behaviour when it gets up and slaps me in the face.

I have a son with ASD, I know many people with ASD, I have read much on
diagnosing ASD, thus I can make an reasonably informed guess at his likely
condition -
the point is.....so should Social Services!

While the child and family need help, advice and guidance that may take the
form of legal action, it's not in Social Services interest to have any
diagnosis made which would create cost implications for them now - even if
it would help the family and save money later.

It's one thing to send a Social worker out now and again to chat to the
family but do nothing - quite another to take effective action.

What I am hoping this NG can turn it's collective mind to is...ways in
which Social Services can be compelled to do more than they are now.

I hope contributors accept what I have said as the basis from which
to advise. If, in contemplating what action one might
take, contributors assume the lad doesn't have a problem - can you relate it
to the legal situation.

Simply thinking he's lazy and making comments to that effect is not helping
me advance my understanding of
the law and I already understand there are people who don't give a damn and
don't want to help. Still, if a 'shardenfroid-ian' attitude is what gives a
contributor kicks - there's not a lot I can do about it but feel sorry for
them.

FWIW, I've worked with many families in need yet have never met a family so
impoverished and in need - in so many ways - as this.

H.

"Steve Walker" wrote in message
...
H wrote:
A family I know appear to be being very much let down by social
services.

The family, a mother and two sons, all have learning difficulties.
The older son has just turned 19, the younger will be 15 in September.

I think the older child has a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy and though
having no obvious mobility problems clearly has behavioural problems.

The behaviour is so bad that he has wrecked the family home, having
smashed most of furniture and doors, and annihilated the bathroom/loo
door such that there is no privacy. He also hits and bullies his
younger brother and mother.

On one occasion his mother rang and asked if I could take the older
boy to a bowling session as the arranged driver wasn't able to. I
arrived to find he was in his bedroom, alternately threatening to
jump out of the window and kicking whatever he could. His mother
asked if I could try talking to him. As I made my way up the stairs
he threw a cereal bowl at me with such force it lodged in the
electric cupboard door behind me. He then rushed down the stairs and
tried to rip the electric consumer unit inside the cupboard off the
wall. At that point I feared for his safety and mine so I pulled him
away from the unit turning him into the hallway. I stood between him
and the kitchen where I knew there were knives and other items he
could use as weapons. He then started to attack me with his fists
which I prevented by holding his wrists and used my legs to parry his
kicking. Eventually he ran outside into the arms of the local police
who had been called by his mother.

One of the police officers who knew the family eventually calmed him
down enough for me to take him to and from the bowling session, at
which he behaved well.

This altercation was caused simply because the person he had expected
to take him bowling wasn't able to.

From my observations, understanding of the family and this lad
together with my own knowledge of autism - I would say that this boy
shows clear signs of being autistic and his behaviour, for the most
part, is beyond his control. Unfortunately his mother does not have
the parenting skills that might otherwise help him.

I wrote a full letter of explanation of the evenings events and sent
copies to both his school and his social service worker. I made it
clear that he was abusing his family to such an extent that his
mother and brother lived in fear of their lives and also what
circumstances the family were living in.

Eventually, social services said they would try and find a school with
supported accommodation as well as having the home repaired. The
housing association said they would repair the place when the boy
moves out as any work they do now would only be ruined if he stayed.

Now, nearly eight months later, apart from providing a place at a day
college - nothing more has changed. The boy has not been found
accommodation and the house remains wrecked. This in turn has
implications for the 'freshness' of them as no one wants to bath!

Moreover, the family have been threatened with eviction because of
the boys behaviour - yet there is nothing they can do.

I am very concerned that this unfortunate family, who are in
desperate need of help, are being side-lined by social services
because of the cost implications and because they do not have the
ability to help themselves in fighting for the things they need.

I am concerned that because he does not have a proper diagnosis and
thus access to the help he needs the boy will eventually end up in
the prison system for something that he has no control over.

Any idea of what might be done to help?

Many thanks,

Seems unlikely to me that Social Services will be able to assess Autism -
he
needs to be seen by his GP and referred for medical evaluation. It may
be
of course that he's just a selfish, wilful and aggressive young man, who
needs to be invited to find his own home if the mother's rules are not to
his satisfaction.

"H" wrote in message
. uk...


What I am hoping this NG can turn it's collective mind to is...ways in
which Social Services can be compelled to do more than they are now.

I hope contributors accept what I have said as the basis from which
to advise. If, in contemplating what action one might
take, contributors assume the lad doesn't have a problem - can you relate
it
to the legal situation.

Have the boy examined by an educational psychologist. Insist that the local
authority refers him to their own one, free of charge. Alternatively go the
GP route, ask for the GP to refer him to a suitable consultant so that his
needs can be diagnosed.

From there, it is a question of demanding that he be statemented and if
there is no cooperation, well, many people go to court to compel the local
authority to act, but it would be sensible to use a good firm of lawyers
such as (I've mentioned them before), Levenes.


Simply thinking he's lazy and making comments to that effect is not
helping
me advance my understanding of
the law and I already understand there are people who don't give a damn
and
don't want to help. Still, if a 'shardenfroid-ian' attitude is what gives
a
contributor kicks - there's not a lot I can do about it but feel sorry for
them.

Wie schade.

On Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:00:10 +0100, "The Todal"
wrote:


"H" wrote in message
.uk...


What I am hoping this NG can turn it's collective mind to is...ways in
which Social Services can be compelled to do more than they are now.

I hope contributors accept what I have said as the basis from which
to advise. If, in contemplating what action one might
take, contributors assume the lad doesn't have a problem - can you relate
it
to the legal situation.

Have the boy examined by an educational psychologist. Insist that the local
authority refers him to their own one, free of charge. Alternatively go the
GP route, ask for the GP to refer him to a suitable consultant so that his
needs can be diagnosed.

From there, it is a question of demanding that he be statemented and if
there is no cooperation, well, many people go to court to compel the local
authority to act, but it would be sensible to use a good firm of lawyers
such as (I've mentioned them before), Levenes.

I thought of that too, but its seems he is nineteen. Is it possible to
be statemented at that age?

--
Don Aitken
Mail to the From: address is not read.
To email me, substitute "clara.co.uk" for "freeuk.com"

"Don Aitken" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:00:10 +0100, "The Todal"
wrote:


"H" wrote in message
t.uk...


What I am hoping this NG can turn it's collective mind to is...ways in
which Social Services can be compelled to do more than they are now.

I hope contributors accept what I have said as the basis from which
to advise. If, in contemplating what action one might
take, contributors assume the lad doesn't have a problem - can you
relate
it
to the legal situation.

Have the boy examined by an educational psychologist. Insist that the
local
authority refers him to their own one, free of charge. Alternatively go
the
GP route, ask for the GP to refer him to a suitable consultant so that his
needs can be diagnosed.

From there, it is a question of demanding that he be statemented and if
there is no cooperation, well, many people go to court to compel the local
authority to act, but it would be sensible to use a good firm of lawyers
such as (I've mentioned them before), Levenes.

I thought of that too, but its seems he is nineteen. Is it possible to
be statemented at that age?

Ah, I missed that. But there are references in the original post to writing
to the boy's school.

If the boy requires treatment to calm him and make him more placid to deal
with, presumably that should be via his doctor. Ritalin or Lithium or
whatever it takes. And likewise if the family think he should be committed
to some sort of institution.

I am not at all sure what the Social Services department can offer, apart
from a helper to come to the house at intervals if appropriate. Is it so
different from having a spouse with Alzheimers? Looking after such a person
and keeping them safe from harm can be a great burden, but sometimes it is
that or placing them in a nursing home.

"The Todal" wrote in message
...

"Don Aitken" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:00:10 +0100, "The Todal"
wrote:


"H" wrote in message
et.uk...


What I am hoping this NG can turn it's collective mind to is...ways in
which Social Services can be compelled to do more than they are now.

I hope contributors accept what I have said as the basis from which
to advise. If, in contemplating what action one might
take, contributors assume the lad doesn't have a problem - can you
relate
it
to the legal situation.

Have the boy examined by an educational psychologist. Insist that the
local
authority refers him to their own one, free of charge. Alternatively go
the
GP route, ask for the GP to refer him to a suitable consultant so that
his
needs can be diagnosed.

From there, it is a question of demanding that he be statemented and if
there is no cooperation, well, many people go to court to compel the
local
authority to act, but it would be sensible to use a good firm of lawyers
such as (I've mentioned them before), Levenes.

I thought of that too, but its seems he is nineteen. Is it possible to
be statemented at that age?

Ah, I missed that. But there are references in the original post to
writing
to the boy's school.

If the boy requires treatment to calm him and make him more placid to deal
with, presumably that should be via his doctor. Ritalin or Lithium or
whatever it takes. And likewise if the family think he should be committed
to some sort of institution.

I am not at all sure what the Social Services department can offer, apart
from a helper to come to the house at intervals if appropriate. Is it so
different from having a spouse with Alzheimers? Looking after such a
person
and keeping them safe from harm can be a great burden, but sometimes it is
that or placing them in a nursing home.

Who would pay for insitutional care for the child? Would it be the council?